My column in the Texas Observer this week deals with prostitutes and the men who love/hate them.
There are certain victimless crimes and youthful indiscretions that we as a society should be able to forgive and forget, such as public intoxication, littering, underage drinking or soliciting a prostitute. That’s why the Texas House has passed legislation that would create what is known as a first offender prostitution prevention program, more commonly referred to as “john school.” The classes are set up to teach offenders that “prostitution is not a victimless crime,” which apparently comes as a surprise to anyone who thinks that women grow up dreaming of becoming prostitutes.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s not like I grew up dreaming of being a blogger.
Oh COME ON. Another evangelical conservative gay-basher caught with a male prostitute in flagrante delicto (that’s Latin for “pants down”)? This is becoming tiresome. But not so tiresome that I won’t blog about it.
Apparently Family Research Council co-founder George Rekers was caught with an escort (hired through Rentboy.com, naturally) while traveling to Europe. But according to Rekers, he thought he was renting someone to “carry his luggage.” Seriously. Well, that makes perfect sense. Why take your chances with a regular old airport baggage handler when you can rent a gay prostitute off a porn site? Since the Rentboy website is not suitable for work (unless you happen to work in “soft porn” or “magazines”), here’s how the Miami New Times describes it:
The pictures on the Rentboy.com profile show a shirtless young man with delicate features, guileless eyes, and sun-kissed, hairless skin. The profile touts his “smooth, sweet, tight ass” and “perfectly built 8 inch [bleep]” and explains he is “sensual,” “wild,” and “up for anything” — as long you ask first. And as long as you pay.
On April 13, the “rent boy” arrived at Miami International Airport on Iberian Airlines Flight 6123, after a ten-day, fully subsidized trip to Europe. He was soon followed out of customs by an old man with an atavistic mustache and a desperate blond comb-over, pushing an overburdened baggage cart.
That man was George Alan Rekers, of North Miami — the callboy’s client and, as it happens, one of America’s most prominent anti-gay activists. Rekers, a Baptist minister who is a leading scholar for the Christian right, left the terminal with his gay escort, looking a bit discomfited when a picture of the two was snapped with a hot-pink digital camera.
Oh, leave the poor guy alone. Obviously things had gotten boring at the annual Values Summits, what with all the prudes. And how many National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality board meetings can you sit through without thinking, I’d rather be vacationing in London and Madrid with a gay hooker than listening to these blowhards (/what?).
Both men deny having sex on the trip. Rentboys are nothing if not discreet. Plus, the email obtained by the New Times proves that the whole thing was completely innocent.
Rekers: “I’d like to propose another trip to Rome, Italy, for a week or more. This is so exciting to have a nice Travel Assistant and traveling companion! Wow! I’m so glad I met you… I called and talked to the reservation guy in London and reserved a room with two twin beds. Now that I’m packed, tomorrow I’ll work on completing my income tax return. Not fun. But I’ll just remind myself that the fun trip is coming soon.”
You see? There was nothing untoward going on, you gutter bunnies! It was just a nice getaway for a couple of pals. Why must everything be about sex? This is about companionship, plain and simple. With a travel assistant who happens to be an escort specializing in converting evangelicals back to homosexuality.
Oh, COME ON. At least there weren’t any strippers with bondage and horse bit fetishes in attendance. That we know of. But as Hotline On Call is reporting, the beleaguered RNC spent more than $340,000 at a semi-annual three-day meeting in Honolulu in January, yet another example of how Republicans finally know how to party. The closest I’ve come to the Aloha State is watching Lost on Tuesday nights. Of course, the RNC meeting was simply a red herring for finding President Obama’s birth certificate. Good luck with that. You might as well be searching for that ancient bad luck tiki that caused Greg Brady’s surfing accident.
According to FEC reports, the committee spent $167K on facilities—a posh resort in Waikiki. Another $90K was for rooms and office space for roughly 33 staffers and officials, who were also comped for meals, travel, and hookers. Around $2,000 was spent on each of the 168 members of the committee. How are Republicans going to pay for, you know, campaigns when they’re spending all their money on naked hula? Someone’s going to get fired. But it’s not going to be Michael Steele. That man could shoot kittens and he’d still keep his job.
I’m guessing most of you have already heard that the Republican reimbursed for the $2,000 tab at the bondage-S&M-horse bit-lesbian sex club outing back in January was a guy named Erik Brown, a GOP consultant and party donor. I’m not sure how someone who doesn’t even work for the RNC gets away with submitting an expense report but I am so going to try that.
The RNC has since fired the director of the “Young Eagles” program, Allison Meyers, because it was her idea. Wait a minute. She’s a SHE?! In a statement, the RNC said that Meyers “was aware that this activity was not eligible for reimbursement and had been previously counseled on this very subject.” What do they mean, “previously counseled”? How many times do you have to tell someone that the naked dancing ladies are inappropriate for party recruitment? Like, I shouldn’t have taken the donors to that all-nude strip club before but this time the women are simulating sex acts enclosed in glass booths. Totally legit.
The late-night trip to West Hollywood’s Voyeur, frequented by the likes of Mickey Rourke and Lindsay Lohan, followed an official RNC Young Eagles donor event. The reimbursement for the night club tab, which was approved by Meyers, was apparently for “meals.” I’ll say.
I know what you’re thinking. HYPOCRISY! It’s true. It’s everywhere. (Except for on this blog.) But let’s not forget there’s enough bad behavior to go around. Let’s see. John Edwards, Eliot Spitzer, John Ensign, Mark Sanford, Eric Massa, Mark Foley, David Vitter, Jesse James. I mean, are international prostitution rings, illegitimate babies, lurid text messages, whorehouses, involuntary tickle fights, affairs with staffers, and whining in public about your “soul mate” any better than a night of drunken bondage? And these aren’t even elected officials. They’re just desperate young Republicans.
Two words: gender equality. Two more words: male whores. Yes, ladies, it’s true. It’s another milestone in the feminist movement and we have lived to see this day—the day that Shady Lady Ranch Brothel in Tonopah, Nevada stepped up to the plate and hired the first legal male prostitute in this country’s history. It took the guts and perseverance of the brothel’s owner to convince the county board that it was time to close this last chapter on civil rights. “I personally feel, as do the many other women who have made contact with me since I started this, that this is a service whose time has come,” said Bobbi Davis. Oh I’ll bet it has.
His name is “Markus” but it may as well be “Spartacus,” for we are all Markus today. This was no ordinary fight. Markus (his working name) was being discriminated against for not having a cervix—through no fault of his own, I might add. State health regulations effectively banned male prostitution in the past by requiring regular cervical exams for prostitutes. Therefore brothels who hired men could lose their license since the men did not have the proper equipment. Markus not only had to break through sexism barriers; he had to break through gynecological and female parts barriers as well.
The 25-year-old former porn star compared himself to Rosa Parks, saying, “Basically this is the first time in the economy of the United States that a male has actually stood up and said, ‘I want to do this for a living.’ And be protected under law to do it,” Marcus said. “It’s just the same as when Rosa Parks decided to sit at the front instead of the back. She was proclaiming her rights as a disadvantaged, African-American older woman. And I’m doing the same.” Because apparently Markus is a disadvantaged, African-American older woman.
The nation’s new Rosa Parks said that he hopes to be a “surrogate lover” for his female customers. Obviously Markus will not discriminate based on race, color, creed, ethnicity, or skin tone. Because he is a pioneer. And for $200 for 40 minutes, you can hitch your ride to that wagon.
According to New York madam Kristin Davis (not “madam” as in “dear sir and madam,” but the hooker kind of madam), Wall Street lawyers, investment bankers, and CEOs used corporate credit cards to pay for their $2,000 an hour prostitutes. $2,000 an hour? I hope they got a steak dinner out of that.
Davis ran one of the largest and most expensive escort services–which boasted Eliot Spitzer as one of its clients–until it was shut down last year, putting roughly 100 women out on the street.
Her client list included a VP of NBC Universal; a part owner of a Major League Baseball team; a private equity CEO; law firm partners; investment bankers; and a major New York real estate developer who spent nearly $100,000 and would “come to the door wearing women’s panties.”
If a real estate developer wants to rent an escort and wear women’s panties, that’s his business. But putting sex on a corporate credit card? What’s the code for that on an Excel spreadsheet?
I just hope they’re not using taxpayer money for this. Haven’t we been screwed enough already? (And, yes, that’s what she said.)
Nine British women are facing prostitution charges after taking part in an oral sex competition on the Greek holiday island of Fellatio Zakynthos. The island is a popular vacation destination known for its wild party scene, populated mostly by 20-something women sporting kneepads.
A dozen men, including two of the bar owners, have also been arrested for “encouraging obscene behavior” and “tricking female party goers asking for drinks on the rocks.” The nine women had been paid to take part in the competition, and the winner received a “My Big Fat Greek Blow Job” t-shirt.
International Prostitution Ring: $80,000+
2 1/2 hours with “Kristen”: $4,300
Transporting a hooker across state lines: 10 years in prison
Losing your governorship, disgracing your family, ruining your career, and looking like an *asshole: Priceless
Despite allegations that one of Gov. Eliot Spitzer’s career-ending trysts occurred in Dallas, officials contend that the Big D is not the Big O.
“We haven’t seen a significant number of high-end escort services in the city,” said Dallas police deputy chief Julian Bernal. “They could exist, but they might be so exclusive we wouldn’t know about it.” The Emperors Club VIP, he said, “had not come across our radar.”
The majority of Dallas’ escorts are “independent operators,” who are lucky to get a few free drinks and cab fare for their low-end services, never mind $5,500.
According to a former independent escort and stripper in Dallas, Amanda Brooks, there are no elite prostitution agencies in the metro area. Brooks is the author of The Internet Escort’s Handbook, so she should know.
“Dallas is very much a one-hour town” where clients tend to prefer “a girl next door,” Brooks said. Yeah, give me that hooker who looks like Meg Ryan.
Eliot Spitzer: Why are you getting so upset? This is not about you. Girl-Next-Door Hooker: Yes it is. You are a human affront to all high-end call girls and I am a high-end call girl. Spitzer: Hey, I don’t feel great about this whole international prostitution ring thing but I don’t hear anyone complaining. Hooker: Of course not, you’re out the door too fast! Spitzer: I think they have an OK time. Hooker: How do you know? Spitzer: What do you mean how do I know? I know. Hooker: Because they… Spitzer: Yes, because they… Hooker: And how do you know that they really… Spitzer: What are you saying, that they fake orgasm? Hooker: It’s possible. Spitzer: For $5,000? Get outta here! Hooker: Why? Most Emperors Club women at one time or another have faked it. Spitzer: Well they haven’t faked it with me. Hooker: How do you know? Spitzer: Because I know. Hooker: Oh, right, that’s right, I forgot, you’re a governor. Spitzer: What is that supposed to mean? Hooker: Nothing. It’s just that all governors are sure it never happened to them and most women at one time or another have done it, so you do the math.
Why do so many wealthy men pay for sex when they can easily have sex for free with any number of drunk single women searching for some kind of sign that they won’t die alone?
Now that the Spitzer sex scandal has opened up a can of whores (Eliot’s tab is now up to a reported $80,000), we’re left wondering what these prostitutes do to negotiate such high-dollar fees. At least I’m wondering. I grew up Catholic. I learned about sex from busting the lock on my sister’s diary.
Clients of the exclusive Emperors Club have got to be scared stiffless by this latest turn of events. Like the guy who asked for “three girls, possibly four, for four hours each.” Four HOURS?! Client 7, meanwhile, flew “Aveline,” one of the call girls, overseas to Vienna.
The club charged $35,000 for two full days and $50,000 for three days. If you paid for the week, they threw in a blogger for free.
At his press conference, Spitzer said he’s “deeply sorry” — mostly because he never got his $4,300 back. I heard on NPR this morning that Spitzer had arranged his meeting with “Kristen” on Valentine’s Day. VALENTINE’S DAY. Now, granted, I’m not a Valentine’s Day kind of girl but what a d*ick.
As for the wife, Silda Wall Spitzer gave up a high-powered legal career to stay home with the kids and support her husband’s political ambitions. Puke. According to one political consultant, wives stand by their husbands during these scandals because, “quite frankly, if she’s not standing there, the first question everyone will have is: ‘Why isn’t she standing there?’ ”
Really? Oh, wait. I know why. BECAUSE HER HUSBAND F*UCKS PROSTITUTES.
Well, I’ve been glued to the TV in Evan Smith’s office because he is out on spring break this week. Usually he doesn’t let me in his office, or allow pony kegs under his desk. (Spring Break 2008!)
At first, reports were linking New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer to a prostitution ring, which was vague at best. Does that mean he was on the business side? Or pimping? Or prostituting himself? But now the NYT is reporting that Spitzer has been caught on a federal wiretap, identified as “Client 9,” arranging a meeting with a high-priced hooker in Washington last month. Busted.
Spitzer just held a press conference saying that it “violates my or any sense of right or wrong,” without mentioning what “it” is. His wife stood next to him, looking like she had been crying for several hours or had just gotten her eyes done.
If that were me, I would not be standing at the podium. Instead, I would be heckling my husband from the audience, throwing my wine glass at him and screaming, “YOU BASTARD!! I WILL TAKE YOU FOR EVERYTHING!” Like any other night.
Client 9 is expected to resign. More to come. (That’s what he said.)
If imagining your grandmother with a paid escort makes you cringe, you should probably skip this one.
Oh I knew you’d keep reading, you sociopath. Cruise ships are hiring old men as “hosts” to entertain single women “of a certain age” – but, really, aren’t all single women “of a certain age”? Tick-tock, girls. The hosts are typically retired or semi-retired men who are looking for a little petty cash outside of their day job, hooking.
“I’ve done well over 100 cruises, including two 100-day world cruises, and I’ve visited 116 countries,” says host David Larsen, a 64-year-old retired engineer from Florida. “If the band plays lots of quick tempo songs, the legs do get a workout. We do about 60 dances a night.” 100 cruises?! That must be some Viagra!
“I have been propositioned by a few married ladies who actually had their husbands on board at the time,” Larsen adds. “Thankfully, they probably had a little too much champagne and didn’t remember it the next day.”
OK, now that is just sick. Why on earth would you travel with your husband?
Hosting can be tiring work. Aside from the requisite Merengue, mambo, cha-cha, dropping it low and multiple bump-and-grinds, the men also attend dance classes, assist tour guides and host dinner tables.
“Hosting a dining table for eight or 10 means keeping the conversation moving and interesting, which of course can be tedious at times,” says 78-year-old Richard Craig. “Plus, half of them won’t even make it through the first course.”
The life of a cruise host is unpredictable at best. As one man said, “You don’t understand the way it is, I mean for somebody like me. Last month I’m eating Jujubes to keep alive, and this month women are stuffing diamonds in my pocket, I’m bouncing on shit and quick as that… I could be down there again.”
Former New Orleans prostitute Wendy Ellis (aka Wendy Cortez) appeared at a press conference with Larry Flynt Tuesday to once again accuse Sen. David Vitter of having an affair with her in 1999, which consisted of two to three sexual encounters a week.
Ellis will appear in the January issue of Hustler magazine (the poor man’s Governing), and declined to comment on whether she was paid for coming forward about Vitter’s indiscretions. She did, however, agree to take a lie detector test, which she passed with flying colors by letting the polygraphist touch her boobs.
“I want the truth to be known,” Ellis said. “It was a pure sexual relationship. He would come in and do his business.” He sounds like the family dog.
You may recall that Wendy was Vitter’s favorite girl over at the Canal Street Brothel. Wendy is also the name of Vitter’s wife. Perhaps one of them will change their name to Wendi with an i. My money’s on the hooker.
A Republican state representative in Florida is forcefully denying the accusation that he solicited an undercover cop for sex. Bob Allen allegedly gave the cop $20 for a blow job while in the men’s room at a local park in Titusville at 3:30PM.
Allen claims he was just “playing along.” For those of you who haven’t played this particular role-playing game, it’s almost as fun as female skank teacher and underage student. “OK, now YOU pretend you’re the state representative!”
After being charged for soliciting prostitution, Allen explained, “I certainly wasn’t there to have sex with anybody and certainly wasn’t there to exchange money for it. This was a pretty stocky black guy, and there was nothing but other black guys around in the park.” Allen added that he was scared he was about to become “a statistic.” Black people are scary! Especially in a public place in the afternoon!
According to the recordings and police documents, three undercover officers had staked out a condo hoping to catch a thief. However, they spotted Allen entering the park bathroom and thought that he was “behaving suspiciously” and might have been looking for sex. Either that, or he had to go the bathroom.
Officer Danny Kavanaugh entered the restroom and walked into a stall when he noticed Allen peering over the door. And then he joined the officer IN THE STALL and said, “This is kind of a public place, isn’t it?” Hmmmm. Stocky black guy in a bathroom stall. Yup. Must be a hooker.
Next Allen suggested going somewhere more private. Kavanaugh replied, “Well look, man, I’m trying to make some money; you think you can hook me up with 20 bucks?” He followed up with, “I wanna know what I gotta do for 20 bucks before we leave.”
The officer asked Allen if he wanted oral sex. Allen said that he thought Kavanaugh might want oral sex. The officer told Allen, “but you’ll still give me the 20 bucks for that,” and Allen said that he would. (I used to think “oral sex” meant “talking about sex.” This proves my point.)
But instead of a blow job, Allen got arrested. He asked if it would help if he was a state legislator. Come on. Like that’s ever helped anyone.
After hiding out for a week (in a brothel? in his home? in some hole?), Sen. David Vitter gave a statement (I would say mea culpa but there was no mea nor any sign of culpa) late Monday night shamelessly hiding behind his wife. Man Rule #1: Do not let your wife fight your battles. Man Rule #2: If you’re going to use an escort service, do not provide them with your Senate office phone number.
“I want to again offer my deep, sincere apologies to all those I have let down and disappointed with these actions from my past,” Vitter said in a five-minute briefing. “I am completely responsible. And I am so very, very sorry that I got caught.” Although Vitter kind-of-but-not-really apologized for f*ucking Washington escorts, he denied f*ucking any hookers in New Orleans. I mean, that’s just gross. The senator refused to answer any questions, stepping into the shadows while his wife Wendy took the podium.
“Last week, some people very sympathetically said to me, ‘I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes right now,’ Wendy Vitter said. “I stand before you to tell you very proudly, I am proud to be Wendy Vitter.” She’s proud to be married to a complete hypocrite who frequents brothels while calling marriage a sacred institution, holding his wife and children up to ridicule. Yeah. I’ve got zero sympathy.
Last week, a prostitute named Wendy Vitter Cortez claimed that the senator was a regular customer back in the 1990s. The woman’s former fiance corroborated her story, saying that he confronted Wendy after finding photos of her with Vitter and realizing that she was a prostitute, and not actually a professional blogger. Men paying her for sex should have been his first clue.
Vitter responded that the untrue stories about the New Orleans brothel were encouraging “longtime political enemies and those hoping to profit from the situation.” Political enemies like… a hooker and her ex-fiance.
“I’ve gotten up every morning, left money on the nightstand and committed to trying to live up to the important values we believe in,” Vitter said. “If continuing to believe in and acknowledge those values causes some to attack me because of my past failings, well, so be it.
“And if you want to get to me, you’ll have to get through my wife.”
Before he ever hooked up with the D.C. Madam, Sen. David Vitter made sure he took care of his constituents by screwing local prostitutes to pump up the economy.
The Canal Street Madam of New Orleans, Jeanette Harriet Maier, fondly recalled then-Congressman David Vitter frequenting the Canal Street Brothel (RIP, 2001). Maier said that Vitter “has visited with my girls, and he has to be one of the nicest men and most honorable men I have ever met.” Well, sure, compared to the other perverts in the brothel, he looked like a god*dam altar boy.
“As far as the girls coming out after seeing David, all they had was nice things to say,” Maier said. “It wasn’t all about sex. In fact, he just wanted to have somebody listen to him, you know. And I said his wife must not be listening.” Vitter’s favorite girl was reportedly named Wendy. And Vitter’s wife’s name? Wendy. This is some sick sh*it if Vitter’s paying $300 an hour to f*uck his own wife.
Vitter was chosen to serve as the Southern Regional Chair for the Giuliani campaign, which means whenever Rudy’s in town, Vitter needs to get him laid. Meanwhile, Hustler magazine is claiming credit for exposing Vitter. This story just keeps getting classier.
Republican Sen. David Vitter from Louisiana apologized Monday night after it was revealed that his phone number appeared on the infamous D.C. Madam’s list. At first, Vitter claimed that he thought he was being put on the “do-not-call list.” Later Vitter admitted to “a very serious sin in my past,” which either means that the Senator employed the services of a female escort or that he was trying to save hookers from eternal damnation by spanking them for their wicked ways.
In a statement, the 46-year-old Vitter admitted that “several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling… But I certainly offer my deep and sincere apologies to all I have disappointed and let down in any way.” God may have forgiven you but your wife will hold this over your head until the day you die.
Madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey has been accused of running a prostitution ring through her company, Pamela Martin and Associates. The Associates were said to be adept at picking low-hanging fruit. Vitter was a strong supporter of the Marriage Protection Amendment although he inserted language that would excuse politicians from receiving Ted Haggard-approved “massages” ($270 for 90 minutes). Somehow, I doubt there will be a happy ending for Vitter.
It looks like another blow for the Republican party just a few days before the election. Can’t anyone keep their pants on anymore?
A gay male hooker is going public about his three-year sexual relationship with Pastor Ted Haggard, founder of the 14,000-member New Life Church in Colorado Springs and president of the National Association of Evangelicals. Haggard has been one of the most outspoken opponents of same-sex marriage, preferring instead to buy cheap sex on the down low. I guess eating Cheerios just wasn’t doing it for him anymore.
The male escort, Mike Jones of Denver, revealed himself (rimshot) to a local news affiliate.
Pastor Ted, who is married with five children, has long been a supporter of President Bush, and has even met with him in the Oval Office. Pastor Ted had a WEEKLY CONFERENCE CALL with the White House to advise them on evangelical issues and to rally the conservative base.
According to an article on New Life church, Ted used to stake out gay bars, inviting sinful male hotties to come to the church.
Apparently lap dancing is not protected by the First Amendment unless you are burning a flag while doing it. The 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals has ruled that “any lewdness or immoral activity” in bars or other liquor-licensed premises (liquor? I hardly know her!) is prohibited by New Jersey law. Of course, it depends on how and where you get off.
The lawsuit was filed by the Moulin Rouge bar after it was fined for dancers “rubbing their breasts and groins while onstage and straddling a patron to simulate sexual intercourse.” They were also breastfeeding in public. Lawyers argued that the hooker’s dancer’s moves are entitled to First Amendment protections because the state regulation is “too vague” and “too boring.” They also argued that the broad language would prohibit a dancer from “thrusting her pelvis” or “moving a finger in and out of her mouth.” Why does New Jersey hate single women looking for husbands in bars?
The appellate court found that “New Jersey’s interest in enacting the regulation is unrelated to the suppression of free expression, because the regulation does not prohibit individuals from participating in ‘lewd or immoral activity.’ Rather, it only prohibits such activity from taking place on the premises of liquor-licensed establishments.” Well, WHERE ELSE would that sort of activity take place?
Cultural anthropologist Judith Hanna stated that “the instrument of dance/acting/opera/blogging/performance art and sex are both the human body, and human performance could be interpreted as being sexually exciting.”
Please. There’s nothing sexually exciting about Jersey Girls.
A gay male hooker