Spin the Bottle
Oh what a harrowing return trip from lovely Sonoma, California. Picture me in the security line at SFO (it’s not pretty—I’m not one of those dress-up travelers, I’m one of those throw-on-whatever’s-not-that-dirty travelers). I’m waiting patiently for the old lady in front of me to take off her orthopedic shoes when I realize that I’m carrying hand sanitizer that is not properly sealed in a plastic baggie to ensure that I won’t use it to hijack the plane. But then panic sets in. I’m also carrying a bottle of wine. A fine Cabernet. I size up the woman at the x-ray machine. She might not notice. I say a little prayer to Bacchus, god of wine and intoxication. She looks at me. Is that a bottle of wine in your bag, she asks. I feign ignorance, as it is one of my special talents. No, God no, I respond. Who would do such a thing? She pulls it out of the bag and I look around at my fellow passengers accusingly. WHICH ONE OF YOU SICK BASTARDS IS TRYING TO FRAME ME?! And yet mothers are allowed to bring their screaming babies and their baby formula on the plane, no questions asked. Plus they get to board before me. Infuriating.
Needless to say, I missed last night’s DWTS, which means I also missed the Booing of Sarah Palin, who was there to cheer on daughter Bristol. Now there is some confusion as to whether the audience was booing Sarah or booing the judge’s low scores for Baby from Dirty Dancing but I’m going to go with Sarah since ABC is a known liberal network (Cougar Town, Wife Swap, The View). Plus Bristol can’t dance, which is clearly her mother’s fault. Most things are the mother’s fault.
You’re probably wondering why I watch DWTS. It’s a fair question, given my Mensa-level intellect and sophisticated ways. However, I’m always looking for new dance moves for when I go out clubbing, which is often. I’m so good that people usually clear the dance floor and leave the bar.
[The Fix]
September 28th, 2010 at 1:18 pm
Like the site redesign. “I’ve gotten rid of the sheep and the serial killer” and replaced them with a peppermint candy.
Palins, go away. Please. Just don’t come to Texas.
September 28th, 2010 at 1:34 pm
Drinking a bottle of wine in the security line cuts back on the amount you need to buy in-flight.
September 28th, 2010 at 1:38 pm
I think I speak for most of us when I say that you readership drinks far too much for that masthead to be appropriate. It’s making me nauseous.
September 28th, 2010 at 1:45 pm
Don’t you love it?? Still temporary. Taking requests.
September 28th, 2010 at 2:56 pm
I like the old collection of wine and martini glasses, myself. You know, the one where you could actually tell they were wine glasses and not some vague rendition of foundation garments.
September 28th, 2010 at 3:16 pm
Perhaps instead you should watch The Event, about this group of aliens that don’t age including the physically disabled doctor chick from ER who btw no longer has a limp. Its weird enough to be interesting, so far, for a tv show at least. There’s also Lonestar on Monday night: set in Houston but filmed in Dallas, which can’t make it popular in Houston, especially after Sunday’s football game.
September 28th, 2010 at 4:55 pm
I got caught up on the first two episodes of Lone Star last night. It’s kind of like DALLAS meets Friday Night Lights. Works for me, so far. Whoever is in charge of picking the tunes for the show is doing a bang up job, too.
September 28th, 2010 at 7:12 pm
Maybe they were booing baby bristol’s outfit? Bless her heart, that poor gal ain’t got NOOOOOO rhythm. Whatever was she wearing under that all those skirts – bicycle pants or a black girdle?
September 28th, 2010 at 7:23 pm
Unfortunately it won’t be working for anyone any longer, cancelled after two episodes!
http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/life/main/7222405.html
September 29th, 2010 at 8:48 am
WTF? No mo’ Lone Star? Who’s in charge over there in NYC?
September 29th, 2010 at 10:19 am
Pull the plug on Lone Star? Sounds like the dream of 49 states.
September 29th, 2010 at 10:31 am
I can’t say that I’m surprised. FOX and I have had a contentious relationship dating back to Firefly. But I caught up on the first couple of episodes of Chase (NBC) last night and didn’t hate it. Perhaps I can get my gratuitous Texas-based-television fix via that show. I sure as hell won’t be getting it via My Generation. I already kind of hated them for taking up space in my parking garage with their extras several days a week recently. Then I watched the first episode. Grade A AWFUL.
September 29th, 2010 at 11:06 am
Bring back “What about Brian?”
September 29th, 2010 at 11:14 am
Dvr’ed Lone Star but haven’t watched yet.
For a Texas (if you can call Dallas actually part of Texas) fix, check out “The Good Guys” a comic cop buddy show, a bit silly (not as bad as Psyche), and pretty good plots, and not bad comedy. Curently off season, on Fox.
Welcome back , PL.
The glasses still work, when they are totally viewed, they were weird underwear at TM..
September 29th, 2010 at 12:54 pm
Oh, bummer re My Generation. Was hoping that would turn out to be good.
September 29th, 2010 at 1:20 pm
Well, Lush Jr. liked My Generation. But she’s been known to watch The Secret Life of the American Teenager marathons, too. Deleting that crap off my DVR before she watches it is one of my guiltiest pleasures.
/I don’t have a significant other to torture. My teenager must suffice.