Revenge of the Virgins
Hundreds of high school students plan to turn Valentine’s Day into a Day of Purity. The students are mostly girls who are ignored at parties because they are flat-chested. I know about this firsthand because I grew up with Smooch.
Ohio Sophomore Ally Hall has written a script to be read over the intercom tomorrow, telling her fellow students that the most romantic way to celebrate February 14 is to honor it as a “Day of Purity,” by pledging to remain chaste until marriage. Oh, Ally. Did you NOT want to be asked to the prom?!
Teens are being encouraged to sign chastity pledges and wear white bracelets. If I see another rubber bracelet on someone, I am going to rip it off with my bare hands. For the love of God, people, stop with the rubber bracelets.
In Nashville, teens sign a pledge card which reads, “I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my future mate and my future children to be sexually abstinent from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship.”
Otherwise known as, “This card is null and void once I get to college.”
February 13th, 2006 at 2:07 pm
The guys aren’t completely out of luck. I’m sure these girls are like the young girls on that “investigative reporting” special that did not consider oral and anal sex as breaking their “purity” pledge. Why couldn’t I have gone to THAT high school?!?!
February 13th, 2006 at 2:41 pm
I don’t know if Harry Whittington had a bunch of sex in high school, but in any event the Vice President should NOT have shot him.
Please help stop the nonsense by making a at least a token contribution at LOCALANDUNCONTESTED.COM.
February 13th, 2006 at 2:48 pm
Key word in the post: hundreds. The remaining millions are keeping their scoring options open.
February 13th, 2006 at 3:13 pm
Marrying a virgin
Pros: Hasn’t been violated by some oily variety bohunk or given her panties to a geek
Cons: Sexually illiterate.
February 13th, 2006 at 3:20 pm
Marrying a virgin?? How about meeting one?
There were more well-dressed math teachers at Mance Park Junior High School than actual virgins.
February 13th, 2006 at 3:27 pm
So, what, are the fat girls having their ‘Day of Purity’ party at Bob Earl’s all-u-can-eat super buffet and waffle house?
Don’t they realize with this Day of Purity crap they’re only going to make batting for the other team look better and better?
February 13th, 2006 at 4:32 pm
girl on girl isn’t a violation of the pledge is it?
February 13th, 2006 at 4:49 pm
If it is, the American Revolution was for nothing.
February 13th, 2006 at 7:13 pm
Amen.
February 13th, 2006 at 10:56 pm
“sex” is subjective to teens now anyway
February 13th, 2006 at 10:57 pm
… unless you wear one of those c.t.r. rings, that is