Oily Beau Hunk
Well we finally know how Fred Thompson managed to land such a hottie for a wife. The man sweats like a pig, emitting irresistible scents of pine trees and stale urine, of lilac and athlete’s foot.
While campaigning in Florida on Tuesday in a perspiration-drenched shirt, Thompson was asked a question about oil drilling in the Everglades. This is an important issue to Floridians, second only to whether all college students should be tasered. Before answering, Thompson laughed and tied a bandana around his head to catch the manly drops of testosterone-fueled sweat pouring down his forehead.
“Gosh, no one has told me that there’s any major reserves in the Everglades, but maybe that’s one of the things I need to learn while I’m down here,” Thompson said. Well boy howdy! I sure wish I knew why in hell I’m running for president!
Thompson has previously stated that we should seek U.S. oil resources wherever they exist, including male sweat glands and the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. But it looks like that Everglades question really tripped him up. Luckily, the candidate was able to distract the fawning female reporters by offering them a whiff of his hormone-altering armpit.
(God I hope that’s a towel and not a delicious orphan baby, seasoned with salt.)
September 19th, 2007 at 10:10 am
Are blue shirts de rigueur for his crew? And orphan baby burritos on the menu?
By the way, love the title the way I loved Jake in that movie. Sigh.
September 19th, 2007 at 11:07 am
Even George Will thinks he’s an idiot.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/09/12/AR2007091202025.html?hpid=opinionsbox1
September 19th, 2007 at 11:59 am
Mrs. Thompson was a haunch wiggling hussy hotie prior to the wedding pheromoney.
September 19th, 2007 at 12:23 pm
But isn’t this what we need? A President who doesn’t know and will admit that. For the last eight years we have had a President who believes he is God’s second son. So Fred is a Republican. So what. It’s not like the Democrats are much better. If Clinton were to become POTUSA she would take Halo 3 away from us.
September 19th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
Re: 4. Dallas Snob
Speaking for myself, I’d like a President that actually knows something this time around.
September 19th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Re: 4. Dallas Snob
I’m with Snob. I don’t expect one guy to know it all.
September 19th, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Re: 6. double tonic
But it’d be nice if he knew something
/My mind is made up, don’t confuse me with facts
//The W mantra
September 19th, 2007 at 1:41 pm
Re: 6. double tonic
Or one gal.
But it’s a unique position–the one and only POTUS. Shouldn’t the person elected be singularly, remarkably, and exceptionally qualified for all the aspects of the job? Surely there’s one person who fits that at any given time. Which is why we shouldn’t limit this only to people who can afford to run–they should be qualified first, with wealth a footnote. And even if it’s unattainable, shouldn’t we try to get as close to ideal as we can?
September 19th, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Re: 8. Wallflower Jr.
You are absolutely right. So it’s settled. I’m running.
September 19th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
Btw, PL. You do have a talent for showcasing the most disturbing photos.
September 19th, 2007 at 3:33 pm
Re: 9. Don’t Mess w/ Pink
I’ll back you.
Wait. What’s your position on, um, values?
September 19th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
Re: 8. Wallflower Jr.
I remember Bill Clinton being given a 6 part question in a townhall type forum in his first election bid for POTUS… he answered each part in order. Yes, I expect the President of the world’s only superpower to have a command of major issues and yes, even I had known about drilling in the Everglades. It was one of the few issues that put the Bush bros at cross purposes if only briefly.
Dallas Snob is however correct in that Hillary will take your Halo 3 away. It’s in her newly revealed health care plan for us all, and apparently it’s not good for us or something.
September 19th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
Fred bombed here in Austin today so the freeloaders who went for he free lunch said,
There was no passion and even the coffee seemed it was decafe so fred bored them alll to death.
September 19th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
Re: 12. Occam’s Steppin’ Razor
I’m not sure what Halo 3 is (my guess is a video game, but then why is that in the health care plan?), but I’ll take a president who doesn’t guffaw as a mode of communication over whatever Halo 3 is any day.
September 19th, 2007 at 4:32 pm
Re: 13. scott
I’m sure Michael Dell is throwing him a big fat fundraiser.
/anyone have an extra ticket
September 20th, 2007 at 11:02 am
Re: 11. Wallflower Jr.
Values? We don’t need no stinking values. That’s my position.
September 20th, 2007 at 11:48 am
Re: 6. double tonic
I have to agree, too. This is not an endorsement of Fred Thompson, but I will say it’s refreshing to hear SOMEONE actually admit when they don’t know something.
Bill Clinton knew everything. Bring him back. Please. Please. Please. ….
September 20th, 2007 at 4:46 pm
Re: 4. Dallas Snob
She will take your Halo 3 away, but it will be good for you.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/09/17/internet.death.ap/index.html
January 3rd, 2008 at 10:50 am
[...] The moment that he showed the world he sweats like a pig? [...]