Apr 2
You know, some of you probably assume that I wake up in the morning thinking of Hillary. That is not the case. The first thing I think of is what flavor syrup I will be getting in my latte that day. In the shower, I think, vanilla. While brushing my teeth, I think, no, scratch that, hazelnut. Getting dressed, I think, I’m feeling a little wild today, perhaps I’ll ask for caramel. And then, smiling, pleased with my decision, only then do I start thinking about Hillary.
I read Maureen Dowd’s column today about how Hillary has made Obama a tougher candidate. You’ve got to give her that. Obama had been given a free ride, and he was starting to get cocky.
Obama had not been hit hard until this campaign; he sailed through his Senate race. Without Hillary, he never would have learned to be a good debater. He never would have understood how to robustly answer distorted and personal attacks. He never would have been warned about how harmful an unplugged spouse can be. He never would have realized how a luminous speech can be effective damage control.
Which brings me to another female columnist, Ellen Goodman, who I saw speak yesterday while sitting at a table by myself, drenched in ice water. She read from one of her columns on the gender issue:
If Hillary Clinton was the tough guy in the race, Barack Obama became the Oprah candidate. He was the quality circle man, the uniter-not-divider, the person who believes we can talk to anyone, even our enemies. He finely honed a language usually associated with women’s voices… the transformative inspirational, collaborative, “female” style has become more attractive. Especially to a younger generation. And — here’s the rub — especially when it is modeled by a man.
Goodman pointed out some of the differences between racism and sexism during this presidential campaign. Remember when that guy at a McCain rally asked McCain how we can “beat the bitch”? And McCain smiled and said, “Excellent question”?
Just imagine if someone had asked the candidate how we can “beat that black guy.” Or when those two guys outside of a Hillary rally yelled at her to iron their shirts. What if they had yelled at Obama to park their cars? Racist statements are unacceptable (as they should be) but sexist statements are laughed off.
On a side note, I turned on “Dancing with the Stars” last night while flipping channels. I don’t watch this show out of principle, although I have no problem watching “The Bachelor” (speaking of sexism — did anyone see the mud wrestling this week?!). So I hadn’t seen anyone’s performance. I wasn’t familiar with most of the celebrities, except for Steve Guttenberg, who was last seen singing “Goodnight Sweetheart” with Tom Selleck and Ted Danson, circa 1987.
There were two African-American men in the competition, and the judges were eliminating couples one by one. I sat there transfixed, hoping that neither black men would be cut. I hadn’t even seen anyone dance. I have no idea if they’re better than the other dancers. But it didn’t matter.
Sure, there have been times when I think Obama should win because he’d be the first black president. Why? I don’t know. Is it “white guilt,” whatever that means? And if it is, does that mean there are men out there supporting Hillary because of “male guilt”? While Hillary is being pressured to drop out, I continue to explore my own biases and perceptions concerning race and gender. That’s a good thing.
(And, if anyone’s interested, I ended up going with almond today.)
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Aha — but it was a woman who asked McCain that question (not that I doubt thousands of men have asked it outside of microphone range).
How then do we separate cattiness — which was at the heart of the woman’s question — from sexism?
Re: 1. The Best Ever Death Metal Band in Denton
Actually, it could have been sexism and not cattiness. I know some women who are sexist, including one in her 30’s for eff’s sake, who OWNS HER OWN BUSINESS, but who said she wouldn’t vote for a woman president because women are too emotional.
I was floored.
Re: 1. The Best Ever Death Metal Band in Denton
Cattiness is accepted because it is the basis of so many businesses - magazines, models, fashion, cosmetics, Bachelor shows, etc. - that without it our economy would be lost.
Cattiness is directed at any woman you think is better looking than you or more successful; sexism is directed at all women.
Male guilt?
“We’re a generation of men raised by women. I’m wondering if another woman is really the answer we need.” - Tyler Durden
Re: 2. Don’t Mess w/ Pink
That’s horrible.
However… I’ve worked directly for two women in my career, both were executives. Neither provided a positive exerience or a decent role model for me. Emotional isn’t how I’d describe them, though. Manipulative, perhaps. Calculating. Inconsistent. Driven more by ego than business results. Perhaps that’s why I don’t like HRC - I see those behaviors in her and it sends chills down my spine.
But I don’t admire those qualities in
anyone, male or female. I work with some terrific women at my current company. They know how to lead, get results and inspire people. I’d vote for THEM.
Whoever I vote for, I want to look up to them and I want them to represent me - as a woman, but more importantly, as a human. HRC does neither.
http://www.showlush.com
Re: 5. Tickled Pink
Is it because she’s married?
I have a question for the ladies in the audience. I’ve been pondering the generational gap in HRC’s support, and my feelings about it (am I betraying my gender or the women who burned their bras and fought so hard for the freedoms I have today?). I’ve also been considering the impact it might have on young minds to have a woman or a minority as president.
Of the women here, did any of you grow up thinking you couldn’t someday be president if you wanted? I always assumed I could if I tried hard enough (not that you’d vote for me). But maybe that’s why older women–and PL, who is still in her 20s–support HRC so strongly. And why those of us under 35, excluding PL, aren’t as concerned.
In any case, in addition to my preference of Obama over Clinton, I do think that young African American males desperately need a very visible, accessible role model in a field other than pro sports, religion, or entertainment. Because Colin Powell, Deval Patrick, Condi Rice, Garnett Coleman–they’re all out there, working hard, for better or for worse Ms. Rice, but kids don’t see them. The only political figures kids really recognize are presidents, don’t you think?
Did any of you watch the recent African American docu on PBS? Chris Rock found out that one of his ancestors had been a statesman during Reconstruction. And he said he’d wish he had known that growing up, because what he really wanted to do was be president or be a comedian. So he went with the one he thought was his only option.
For me, I always thought–and still do think–that the presidency was an option. Yeah, yeah–maybe it’s yet to be attained, but hell, when I turn 35 in a couple of years (wait, I mean next year), maybe I’ll give it a shot. It won’t be my gender that holds me back. It will be my severe lack of funds and my socialist leanings…
Re: 7. Wallflower Jr.
Don’t give up! Those of us with socialist leanings need role models also.
I’d just like to point out that you didn’t have to worry about any of this sh*t with white males in charge. Sure, you might have a few wars here and there, but none of this whining about feelings or hope or whatever. Cheeee-rist!
/It’s a joke!
If Hillary doesn’t get the nomination perhaps it might be safe to deduce that the pathway to the presidency doesn’t include the office of first spouse. Hillary perhaps has the smarts and more importantly the politican instincts to become President. Being in the limelight she should also know that her judgement regarding spousal selection counts. Now a first lady that divorces her President husband for infidelity….THAT would be a worthy leader whom I could support. She missed that opportunity.
http://www.inthepinktexas.com
Re: 7. Wallflower Jr.
I always thought I’d end up being a nun. (And in high school, I basically was. OMG! LOL! Park my car!)
I agree that young black men need better role models (and not necessarily the guys on Dancing with the Stars). I also think that young women of ALL colors need stronger female role models.
Haven’t we had enough testosterone in the White House?
Anyway, I think you all are missing the point. “Catty” (read: sexist) comments are still encouraged. Why?
Is it cattiness to point out that she flat out lied about the alleged sniper fire in Bosnia?
Re: 4. Dallas Snob
Um, excuse me, please refer to rules #1 and #2.
Re: 11. Pink Lady
Because the guys from Queer Eye are so much fun at parties?
Just kidding. You’re right. Being able to refer to her as a bitch but never, ever going there with racial epithets (thank god) is certainly evidence of a double standard.
Random thoughts:
Being a bitch wasn’t a liability for Ann Richards, right? It in large part defined her.
Someone in college once got on my case for using terms like “bitch” and “bastard” because they were sexist and communicate that females were/are/must be dominated.
Gender and ethnicity are slightly different issues, though, because every ethnic group faces gender disparity and inequalities, but only one ethnic group in our country is considered the main one by which we judge all others. And gender issues continue to be worked out on a daily basis by husbands and wives, who on both sides feel free–at times–to admonish the other in specific or general terms. I can’t count the times I’ve complained about my husband with a broad, gender-bashing brush. Which isn’t quite fair. (the bastard)
Re: 11. Pink Lady
I’m still considering becoming a nun. Do they accept married women with children? Because I could really enjoy the time off for contemplation…
Re: 7. Wallflower Jr.
But if Chris Rock had gone with trying to be president, he probably would have just ended up being a jaded, under paid capitol staffer like the rest of us… not because he/we are black, but because becoming president is fuckin*g hard.
So, we got some good comedy out him and he made a shit load of money. Win. Win. And I suspect he’s probably given some of that money to a deserving candidate or two along the way, but “rock, chris” didn’t generate any results on opensecrets.org.
Hello! It was John McCain who was the sexist pig here! And yes, he might have responded the same to a question about a black man. The dude is out of it. Yes, he’s a war hero. Yes, we owe him respect for that. And yes, he’s nuts.
I like what Ellen Goodman wrote. There is nothing wrong with a real man being able to grow up and communicate effectively.
I support Obama because he’s the best person available for the job for right now. And he’s not nuts. I don’t think Hillary is nuts, but she’s too deeply entrenched and has too much baggage right now.
I think the word “catty” in itself degrading. “It’s so cute and feisty… like women!” Gag.
And….
Re: 5. Tickled Pink
I don’t really understand how you can compare a personal boss to a presidential candidate.
But, whatever you’re holding against them, you have to let it go and move on, friend! Don’t let them break you!
You’re welcome.
http://www.inthepinktexas.com
Re: 18. clarissa
Another bad word? When someone says a woman is “emasculating.” Which means “castrating.” Or “taking away virility.” Oh, poor, poor men. A woman’s making you feel like a p*ussy. Get over it.
As I read this blog, I occassionally feel sorry for Mr. PL. Trying to follow PL from Politics to Dancing with the Stars to Politics then back to Bachelor…finally back to Politics… wow, I really hope Mr. PL keeps a large bottle of Tylenol around. There has to be a Mr. PL support group.
http://www.inthepinktexas.com
Re: 20. ftwsteve
There is a support group, but they’ve all been castrated.
I think everyone is missing the bigger issue here: Jason Taylor is one gorgeous dancing celebrity (and a mighty fine defensive end, even if he does play for the Fins)
Re: 7. Wallflower Jr.
I’m significantly older than you. Let’s just say that when I was in high school, Gloria Steinem was still a young hottie. (Yes, I realize I just objectified a feminist). But, did I grow up thinking I couldn’t be president? No. Thanks to my parents, I grew up believing I could be anything I wanted. Nobody told me I couldn’t. I think my upbringing was probably unusual in that way, but I never got from any authority figure — not teachers, parents, coaches, or counselors — that a woman could not succeed on her own or that a woman’s place was in the home.
I was, however, acutely aware of the struggles of the women who blazed the trail. In middle and high school I watched women like Sissy Farenthold who ran for governor (an Obama supporter, btw), and the very public struggles of the leaders of the Womens Movement like Steinem and Germaine Greer and Betty Friedan and countless others. I also had some female teachers who made all that part of our class dialogue. Their cause was my cause and I know those women, including the likes of Hillary Clinton, made it possible for me to not just want to go to law school, but to expect I would be admitted without question. A mere 10 or 15 years before, and that would not have been the case. And there is no question that sexism still exists, though most of the time in much softer (and therefore more difficult to fight) forms.
But I do not feel like I am betraying my gender by supporting Obama. The gender of the candidate at this moment in time is not defining for me. Neither is race, for that matter.
What is defining for me is Obama’s ability to communicate in a way that is unfortunately all too rare in our political landscape. I have a redneck friend who watched his speech on race (after I constantly harassed him to STFU until he had informed himself by actually watching the speech, as opposed to listening only to what Fox Noise said about it, and he did!). He no longer walks around accusing Obama of being a Muslim terrorist and openly says he respects him and wouldn’t have a problem with him as President. I don’t think he’ll vote for him, but that’s progress!
I’m not enamored of Obama’s audacity, or of change for change’s sake. And he and Clinton are so close on policy issues, it’s a wash. But I believe Obama will present a new and respected face both at home and abroad. (There’s been a lot of positive talk about his candidacy in the international press. ) He is intelligent and thoughtful and charismatic and persuasive. And god knows, that’s what we need right now.
In the end, I believe he will best McCain in the debates and on the campaign trail and will, with his personality, intelligence, and campaign organization, win over enough independents to be elected. I do not believe the same of Clinton.
Were Clinton running against any other Democratic politician I can think of, I’d be with her. But there you go.
Re: 20. ftwsteve
He just waits a few minutes for her to pass out, then takes over the remote. That is, if he’s allowed in the house at the moment. That’s not been made clear.
Re: 23. Don’t Mess w/ Pink
I’m with you–and thanks for your response. I don’t personally feel like I’m betraying my gender (after all, we’re tasked with choosing the best candidate, not the one who most resembles us). I’ve just had friends say they’re doing it for their daughters, etc., so I got to thinking about children’s perception of their own opportunities in life.
Obama best represents what I want out of a leader. Even if a lot of it is for votes, he still says what I want to hear. One example from today (in ref. to the environment): “All of us are going to have to change our habits. We are a wasteful culture.” He didn’t say Washington was wasteful, or “they” are wasteful. He said “we.” He points out our flaws and seems to want to be part of the solution. Amen.
Re: 20. ftwsteve
All the men who comment on this blog actually speak in a really high and sqeaky voice.
Don’t Mess w/ Pink - I want to meet Sissy Farenthold.
Re: 7. Wallflower Jr.
Well, this old (52) and ardent (not to be confused with bitchy) feminist doesn’t support Hillary. There are a ton of us that don’t. If I read one more post anywhere from any woman griping about the message that Hillary losing will send to our daughters – I’m going to go on a menopausal rant. Pleeaase. If this election makes or breaks our daughters’ abilities to see that they can be anything they set their minds out to be, then shame on us as mothers and role models. I thought we’d come a lot further than that baby.
For me, to support a woman simply because she’s a woman is no different than the good ole’ boys club supporting the good ole’ boy simply because he’s a good ole’ boy. Both of those scenarios stink to me. In my 20’s and 30’s I would have so been there with some of you – fighting for my girl and overlooking her obvious moral shortcomings. Now, I fight and campaign for my candidate because I’ve studied my choices and done my homework. I’m supporting the person that I think will do the best job – it’s just coincidental that this person has a penis.
Re: 26. The Other Guy
Sissy’s a hoot, all right. I am fortunate to have had the privilege of spending some time with her because her son and I are friends. I hadn’t seen her for awhile since he moved out-of-state, but she was at my caucus. I assumed (because I had not seen her statements in the Observer) she was supporting Clinton, and said “Sissy, I think we my be on different sides? I’m supporting Obama.” I thought maybe I was in for a lecture as her eyes widened and she shook her head and said “Oh, no my dear.” But she was saying that in response to my question, which became clear when she went on to state somewhat emphatically, that she would never (ever) vote for Clinton because of her “politically expedient” vote on Iraq. I should have known that would have been the defining issue for her.
By the way, I don’t share that feeling. I probably differ with many Obama supporters there because I can understand why, when confronted with the manufactured intelligence and what appeared to be (but actually was not) a united Pentagon and intelligence community, a person may have voted that way. Everyone was lied to.
Um, PL? You’re letting those two random guys yelling about ironing shirts take over WAY too much of your head-space. Just kick them out of there.
“sexist statements are laughed off…”
I dont remember anyone but McCain and his supporters laughing it off. I doubt Obama would have stood for that type of comment for a second, or any of his supporters. We were all outraged about it actually. I’d love to get a *little* credit, and give it where it’s due.
Oops, sent too soon…. meant to finish that by saying, I’d love to give credit where it’s due and make sure we keep that sexism label where it belongs - on the right side of the aisle. I think we’re doing just fine on our side.
http://www.inthepinktexas.com
Re: 31. Lurkette
Hey — there’s enough sexism to go around…
Re: 32. Pink Lady
Actually, nevermind. Thanks, Randi.