Hillary’s official White House schedules have finally been made public. After reading her 2,888 journal entries recorded over 4,400 pages, I realized something. I have a sickness.

I decided to download the entire 1999 pdf (all the years are available and downloadable, if you’re so inclined, and if you are so inclined, then you have a sickness as well). Here’s the indispensable knowledge I’ve gained since browsing through this calendar. And, much like the 1 1/2 hours I spent on Monday watching The Bachelor, I can never get this time back.

January 9: No public schedule. Mostly cloudy with rain. Low 36F. March 31: The First Lady has the option of working a ropeline as she departs. April 5: Easter egg roll. May 18: Coffee with Her Majesty Rania Al-Abdullah. Drop-by with Girl Scout Troop #2096.

I often keep my own personal records of the day’s events so I can look back at them and wonder how I can do better. Quite frankly, I don’t think I can.

9:30AM. Stroll into the office, Starbucks in hand. Sometimes I work the ropeline, sometimes I opt out.
10:30AM. Close door, put on aromatherapy sleep mask, nap.
12PM. Go to the refrigerator and steal someone’s lunch.
12:30PM. Blog.
1:30PM. Blog some more.
3PM. Coffee with Her Majesty Rania Al-Abdullah.
4PM. Close door, Buddhist chanting.
4:15PM. Depending on energy level, walk or drive to happy hour.
5:00PM. One glass of pinot later, ready to go home.
5:05PM. On way out, pocket free appetizers.

Spend rest of evening at home watching TV and screaming at Mr. PL for my dinner, then screaming at him for chocolate. Read Hillary Clinton: Woman in Charge and fight back tears. Plan my future presidential campaign.