Was Kyle Sampson hatched from Karl Rove?

On another note, a reader mentioned that because Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is a licensed attorney in Texas, his public conduct is controlled by the Texas Rules of Disciplinary Conduct. Rule 9.1 states that, “In the course of representing a client a lawyer shall not knowingly: (a) make a false statement of material fact or law to a third person; or (b) fail to disclose a material fact to a third person when disclosure is necessary to avoid making the lawyer a party to a criminal act or knowingly assisting a fraudulent act perpetrated by a client.”

(Ed. Note – obviously this anonymous reader is not Andy Brown because Andy Brown loves free press.)

We all know by now that Gonzales lied to Congress concerning his involvement in the US Attorney firings. Maybe it’s time for a little Texas justice.

The last few days in Houston have been big. Really big. In 2004, we hosted the Super Bowl, which was nice — a weekend at the center of the American entertainment universe — the real one, not the SXSW entertainment-you’ve-never-heard-of universe. This week, though, you couldn’t turn around and tie your shoe in this town without having some big time celebrity throw a nickel into your asscrack.

Saturday night, for example, none other than Flavor Flav was spotted at a burger joint a few miles from my home. Reports indicate that it was, in fact, awesome, and that yes, he was wearing a clock.Then Tuesday night at The Proletariat, The Black Math Experiment hosted a free show, with special guest, David Arquette. As you surely know, The Black Math Experiment are the masterminds behind You Cannot Kill David Arquette, so it makes sense that he was there.But the real superstar showed up Wednesday, unannounced, at the annual Houston Hispanic Chamber of Commerce luncheon, and your buddy Fled was en la casa.

The winding introduction gave clues, but the special guest was kept under wraps, as far as I could tell from the back of the room, until the unveiling. The bio however, sounded familiar – Native Texan. Texas Supreme Court. Counsel to the President. Thinks Habeas Corpus is a fancy hotel near Whataburger Field. Oh crap. It’s Al.

It is possible that Alberto “Albert” Gonzales “Bush” was, as he indicated, actually in the middle of a nationwide tour to raise youth awareness of the dangers of empowering internet predators (adding ChRisHanSenIzA CoCkblocKer to your myspace friends for example, would be a bad idea). It is also possible that, in the face of a hostile nation and a scandal which, by all rights, should become the shameful final chapter of a shameful tenure as Attorney General, Alberto needed a hug.

Whatever his motivation, he came to the right place, as the Chamber faithful, 900+ total, rose to give AG a warm Houston welcome home – leaving me and Melissa Noriega sitting respectfully until it became clear that our options were stand or Gitmo. I stood, but I haven’t seen Melissa since.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should inform the reader that Albert Gonzales and I are, in the classical, “definition one” sense of the term, homeboys. He graduated from Aldine’s MacArthur High, less than a mile away from where I grew up, a scant 5 years after my dad did, and a meager 21 years before I chose not to go there, due to, I now know, him. That said, I find the Honorable Attorney General to be, in the less classical, “definition five” sense of the term, a knob

Al talked about… well nothing in particular. He said he had work to do and couldn’t be derailed by “Congress” asking “questions” about “political intimidation.” He’s trying to conquer evil right now, Nancy; it’s not a good time.

He talked about his cover story for getting out of Washington – online predators, and he did let slip that he enjoyed dinner Tuesday night with his mom in the house he grew up in. He also mentioned that he grew up with modest means, which means his mom likely still lives in a crap hole. Way to take care of mom, Albert.

Frankly though, what was most striking about the show was that he was there at all. The visit was totally unannounced – no mention in the printed program, no buzz about a special guest. The MSM was obviously tipped, but even they made no prior mention. We’re all getting ready to have our salad, and all of the sudden, up to the podium walks one of the most powerful men in the country. In the neighborhood. Thought he’d stop by. It was an odd experience, but I couldn’t help but wonder, think, hope… Maybe…he’s house shopping.

Friday, Albert, 3:30. You gotta take care of your homeboy!

The Texas House is debating the $150 billion state budget today, and by ‘debating,’ I mean ‘Democrats getting steamrolled.’ What does it say about me that I care more about the US attorney hearings than the state budget debate? Scratch that. What does it say about you?

Former top Justice Department official Kyle Sampson is currently testifying before the Senate Judiciary Committee on the U.S. Attorney firings. Check out his testimony live at Reuters. He’s been sworn in (under oath!) and is reading his prepared statement. The questions from committee members will be much more fun. More insightful analysis to come.

What I can tell you now is that he’s wearing a yellow tie and he has a receding headline.

9:45AM EST: Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Patrick Leahy just left in disgust. The hearing will resume when he returns. There was just a protester screaming from the alley something about bring the troops home and all the Senators are war criminals. Honey, wrong hearing. (Ed. Note – I stand corrected. Someone else who should be working is watching the video stream and instant messaged me that the protester actually said, “fire all the liars and bring the troops home now.” Still, wrong hearing.)

10AM: Sen. Arlen Specter’s reading his statement saying that DOJ is in a state of disarray. We need to understand the role of the AG. And he wants to hear from Karl Rove. We need to make the determination of who oughta stay and who oughta go.

Congressman Pete Sessions – I can’t possibly understand his Texas drawl. Something about prosecuting immigration. He loves the DOJ.

OK, Sampson said he hasn’t spoken with the President since his time in the White House. What’d he say?! Chairman Leahy is reading his emails aloud. So humiliating. One of the titles is “US Attorney Plan.” Sampson doesn’t know if the President ever reviewed the plan. He doesn’t seem to know anything. He doesn’t remember because of the Thanksgiving holiday in between meetings.

(We interrupt this boring hearing to announce breaking news: the Senate just approved the 2008 goal to bring the troops home. Oh, Bush. You’re so f*ucked.)

10:21AM: Specter wants to know why Attorney Carol Lam was asked to resign. Sampson says it was because of immigration enforcement. He just admitted that he wanted to bypass Senate hearings concerning the U.S. attorneys, but that AG Gonzales didn’t agree with it. Right.

Chuck Schumer. Time for a bitch slapping.

OK. Bottom line. Sampson doesn’t remember anything. Wake me when it’s over.

Oh Good God. Sen. John Cornyn is speaking. Who lets him speak? He thinks this is all politically motivated. Shocker. Leahy says he doesn’t understand what Cornyn’s talking about.

Now Sen. Herb Kohl is asking Sampson about his emails that talked about ‘loyal bushies.’ Sounds like a title for a porn flick. (It’s not even 11AM yet. I apologize for my inappropriate comment. This is what Senate hearings do to me.)

By TJ Shroat

Of all the ways to learn about a candidate, perhaps the least useful is a visit to their own website, rivaling only “Ask my mom” in terms of objectivity. I’d never visit Rudy Giuliani’s 2008 candidacy site on my own volition. But as I surfed the web yesterday in an effort to avoid writing/job searching, I encountered a Giuliani banner ad on an unlikely site. Futurismic is a blog and original fiction website devoted to the societal and cultural effects of science and technology. As someone obsessed with utopian/dystopian notions, I frequent it from time to time. Yesterday, there was Rudy’s smiling bald head, inviting me to visit JoinRudy2008.com. Rudy as the candidate for flying cars, robot servants and/or nutritious food pills which may or may not be made of people? I had to take a look.

Before I comment on the site, let’s get the obvious issue of Giuliani’s personal appearance out of the way. Rudy is bald. Not as in widow’s-peak balding. As in, effing bald. As in, hair-on-less-than-half-of-head-areas-normally-occupied-by-hair bald. If elected, he’d be the baldest president since at least Eisenhower, and maybe since Martin Van Buren. And while I’m on the subject of appearance, look at the name Giuliani. Looks misspelled, doesn’t it? Infuriating, isn’t it? He should have the sense and decency to change the spelling to the more visually appealing and phonetically correct Jewel-E-Awn-E.

Embrace and overcome.

Home Page:
The tag line on the Giuliani site, A Time for Leadership, and his video indicate a distancing from the current administration. I notice a link to an interview with Senior Advisor Michael McKeon. I click and read about half of it before realizing that Michael McKeon isn’t the same guy that played Lenny Kosnowski and David St. Hubbins. Disappointing.

Rudy’s Story:
Rudy’s bio makes no reference to when, as an undersized, plucky college kid from Joliet, IL, he lived out his dream of walking on to the Notre Dame football team and recorded a sack against Georgia Tech on the one play of game action he ever saw. I realize that Notre Dame football can be a polarizing issue, but surely the underdog, feel-good nature of the story deserves a mention.

Current wife = tappable.

On the Issues:
Fiscal Discipline NYC pre-Rudy = “tax and spend” (this phrase lives!?!) policies. NYC post-Rudy = reduced bureaucracy.
Cutting Taxes Trickle-down economics works.
Winning the War on Terror The great responsibility of our (his) generation. No end in sight.
Iraq Can’t leave now. No end in sight.
Public Safety Fewer murders for all Americans.
Judges More Scalias, Roberts and Alitos, oh my.
Education Vouchers are one of the great civil rights issues of our times.
Abortion After some hand-wringing caveats, ultimately pro-choice.
Second Amendment Rest easy, rural gun nuts. Gun control is only for city folk.

Marriage One wiener per couple. No more, no less.

Why Rudy:
Rather than fulfilling its title, this section instead wants the visitor to answer the question. Lazy. Somewhat surprisingly, the posted responses are CAPS LOCK free, indicating that Rudy has absolutely zero support from the far right.

As does every viable, declared candidate in 2008, Giuliani easily passes the “better than what we have now” test. So does my beloved dead dog Eli. (Fact: The Bohemian branch of the Habsburg dynasty was established by the cremains of a Vizsla named Chuckles.) Also, Giuliani clears the bars of never appearing embarrassingly stupid (current prez) or awkward (Hillary + black people). He’s unquestionably a smart guy. Pity that his positions and priorities are regressive. No mention of the environment anywhere on the site? No plan for getting off the oil teat? What kind of futuristic president is that? Does he at least plan to wear lame’ unitards? So many questions, so few answers.

Score: Incomplete.

Personal Side Note:
Despite reloading the Futurismic page dozens of times, I could never get the Giuliani ad to reappear. Instead, I got the occasional ad for the odious Windows Vista and most often, a banner for Irish Spring. Colgate has put a lot of thought into the Irish Spring website. It’s the most engaging virtual soap experience you’ll ever have. As a child, I was obsessed with the Irish Spring television ad in which a touring cap clad Irishman used a pocket knife to cut a sliver off a bar of soap, demonstrating… something. For whatever reason, cutting soap with a knife seemed viscerally compelling to me. I expressed this interest/need to my mother, and in a very un-Linda-like move, she actually let me take a pocket knife to a bar of soap. Ultimately, bit of a let down.

Actor and former Sen. Fred Thompson may be the Republican’s answer to Sen. Barack Obama. Except without the charisma. Or compelling life story. Or good looks and stunning physique. OK, so he’s more like the Republican’s answer to Sen. Joe Biden. But he’s getting all the buzz lately.

Naturally, I decided to check out his bio on ‘Law & Order.’ Thompson first appeared on screen in the film “Marie” in 1985, portraying himself in the fact-based story of a high-profile case he handled in Tennessee. Since then, he has appeared in numerous movies and television programs, including the features “In the Line of Fire,” “Die Hard II,” and “The Hunt for Red October,” and the series “China Beach,” “Wiseguy,” and “Matlock.”

Matlock?! Isn’t that the male version of Murder She Wrote?

Although Thompson hasn’t even announced his intention to run, he’s gaining in the polls. A USA Today/Gallup poll released Tuesday had him ranked third behind Rudy Giuliani and John McCain. Thompson’s got 12 percent, while Mitt Romney only has three percent.

I guess Romney shouldn’t have passed up that guest appearance on ‘China Beach.’

Admiral Josh Painter: This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we’ll be lucky to live through it.

–The Hunt for Red November October

According to a Harris Interactive poll, half of Americans say they would not vote for Sen. Hillary Clinton if she were to become the Democratic nominee. This, after the endorsement of former Iowa Gov. Tom Vilsack.

One in five Democrats said they wouldn’t vote for Clinton either. Wow. I hope you all vote for Ralph Nader because THERE’S A VIABLE SOLUTION.

Around 36 percent of Democratic voters polled say they would vote for Hillary, while 11 percent are still unsure of who they’re supporting, and who’s running. Another one percent of voters still think that Mark Warner is running. OK. One voter. Roughly 48 percent of independent voters say they wouldn’t vote for Hillary either, preferring to wait and see if Kinky Friedman will announce his candidacy.

Looking at gender differences, 56 percent of men say they’d rather chew off their arm than vote for Hillary, while 45 percent of women say Hillary wouldn’t be their top pick. Close to 70 percent of those 62 and older, including my father, said that they wouldn’t vote for Clinton because they are 62 and older.

Around half of the voters say they disagree with Clinton’s politics AND they don’t like her as a person, saying “she does not appear to connect with people on a personal level.” Yeah. You might not want to grab a beer with her or play a game of flag football. That was George W. Bush. AND THAT WORKED OUT WELL. (Capital letters mean I’m shaking my fist at the sky.)

So why don’t you like Hillary?

Is there?

According to Raw Story, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is being accused of failing to prosecute officers involved in the Texas Youth Commission scandal. The findings of the investigation conducted by Texas Ranger Brian Burzynski were sent to Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott, then to a U.S. Attorney (one of the few that kept their jobs), and finally all the way to the top — the civil rights division of the Department of Justice… headed by Alberto Gonzales.

All three declined to prosecute.

NBC Nightly News had an exclusive Monday with Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, because Larry King had already nabbed Anna Nicole Smith’s medical examiner.

First, Gonzales wanted to set the record straight: “Let me begin with the attacks on my credibility, which really have pained me and my family. You know, I have grown up — I grew up with nothing but my integrity. Meaning, I grew up with nothing.” Like Gonzales hasn’t deserved those attacks on his credibility. Come on. He has the credibility of a blogger.

More Gonzales: “Let me try to be more precise about my involvement. When I said on March 13th that I wasn’t involved, what I meant was that I — I was drunk. I had not been involved, was not involved in the deliberations over whether or not United States attorneys should resign.”

More: “I don’t remember that conversation because I was three sheets to the wind, but what I’m saying is during the process there may have been other conversations about… specifically about the performance of US attorneys.”

More: “I don’t recall being involved. Let me — let me be more — more precise because I know that — with respect to this particular topic, people parse carefully the words that I use, even when I’m slurring.”

One last comment, on the Department of Justice: “Our public corruption record has been tremendous.”

I couldn’t agree more.

The Chairman of the House State Affairs Committee, Rep. David Swinford, said Monday that immigration legislation is probably dead on arrival. After consulting with the Attorney General’s staff, Swinford declared that Texas is “not in the immigration business. We don’t have any authority.” Tell that to Farmers Branch.

There are over 30 immigration bills pending, most of them belonging to Rep. Leo Berman, and Swinford asserted that it’s a federal issue, not a state issue. However, the committee will most likely consider a resolution instructing the feds to “shape up” on immigration enforcement. The federal government is expected to take immediate action after receiving a resolution from a state “with no authority.”

Meanwhile, Rep. Berman has asked for the immediate removal of Hispanic committee member Jessica Farrar.

After having surgery to remove a small suspicious growth, White House spokesman Tony Snow learned that his colon cancer has returned and metastasized to his liver.

“He said he’s going to beat it again,” said Spokeswoman Dana Perino. “When I talked to him, he was in very good spirits.”

OK, that’s two bad cancer stories in one week. Anyone for some embryonic stem cell research? And I know I always harp on this but… pharmaceutical companies spend TWICE AS MUCH on marketing as they do on research. Health care is fast becoming the number one issue in the presidential campaign. As it should be.

Seven Democratic candidates (seven?!) Saturday traveled to Las Vegas to speak about their health care plans. Or, in the case of Sen. Barack Obama, to admit that they have no plan.

Obama said that he would be releasing his own detailed health plan “over the next couple of months”� to provide universal coverage. When asked why he didn’t yet have a plan, Obama responded, “Our campaign now is a little over eight weeks old.” Oh. Well, when you attend a HEALTH CARE forum, you should probably have something more prepared than, “What she said.” (I’m not saying I’m not an Obama fan. But he’s beginning to display a certain level of inexperience on the campaign trail.)

John Edwards, of course, was the man of the moment. He had the most detailed plan for universal health care coverage. He would raise taxes to help pay for universal coverage, which could cost up to $120 billion a year. Edwards also said he would roll back Bush’s tax cuts and require all employers to provide plans for their employees.

The Center for American Progress Action Fund, which sponsored the forum, invited all the Republican candidates as well but they were apparently too busy stripping health benefits from the poor.

I watched ‘Meet the Press’ Sunday morning with disdain, as it was all about the fired U.S. attorneys. Snore. Oh, and Bill Bradley (why?!) was on too. Double snore. Just wake me when Attorney General Alberto Gonzales finally ‘resigns’ and Karl Rove gets demoted to Capitol Page. Here’s the buzz.

Republican Sen. Lindsey Wagner Graham: “He has said some things that just don’t add up. The attorney general has been wounded. He’s going to have to come to the Senate to reestablish his credibility.”

Republican Sen. Arlen Specter: “Look, we have to have an attorney general who is candid and truthful. And if we find he has not been candid and truthful, that’s a very compelling reason for him not to stay on.”

Republican Sen. Trent Lott: “It is a fact that it hasn’t been handled well. Plus, he’s Hispanic and I’m a racist.”

Republican Sen. Orrin Hatch: “Let’s be honest about it: The Justice Department has bungled this attorney thing.”

Republican Sen. Chuck ‘Charles’ Hagel: Gonzales “does have a credibility problem. I don’t know if he got bad advice or he was not involved in day-to-day management. I don’t know what the problem is, but he’s got a problem. You cannot have the nation’s chief law enforcement officer with a cloud hanging over his credibility.”

Democratic Sen. Dianne Feinstein: “I think he’s been damaged very badly. He certainly has in my eyes and, I believe, in the eyes of the nation and in the eyes of many, many senators, such as those listed above.”

Texas Republican Rep. Leo Berman: “Are his papers in order?”

Although Gonzales testified to Congress that he had never seen any memos concerning the firings, documents released late Friday proved otherwise. Especially that email with the subject line: “I’m Alberto Gonzales and I approve these firings [EOM].”

But aren’t those the best?

According to a reader, Governor Perry was in a fender bender Friday night. Sources have confirmed this and by ‘sources,’ I mean ‘like I have any.’ Apparently the accident occurred at an intersection between Perry and two men in the other car. These two men told the reader (also at the hospital – curiouser and curiouser) about Perry hitting their car and that he was much more concerned about himself.

Perry declared an executive order on the spot mandating that the men in question receive the HPV vaccine.

I found myself watching ’60 Minutes’ Sunday night, along with all the 65-year-olds who had just returned from the early bird special.

Per usual, I was dining on a glass of wine and cheese straws.

Katie Couric had an exclusive with John and Elizabeth Edwards concerning Elizabeth’s deteriorating health and their mutual decision to continue the campaign. Of course, it’s really nobody’s business but their own, but since everyone’s talking about it, let’s talk about it. I think they’re doing exactly what they should be doing. Or should she stay at home bemoaning her fate?

Elizabeth Edwards: You’re not necessarily dying of cancer but you can also live with cancer and that – and you can live a full life. Concentrate on the things that matter to you.

We’re all going to die. And I pretty much know what I’m going to die of now. But I – I do want to live as full and normal a life as I can from this point on.

So we’re all going to die. It’s just that Elizabeth probably knows how she’s going to die. However, John and Elizabeth Edwards are fully committed to this campaign. They believe strongly in service to their country. They’ve built their entire life around it. Elizabeth is convinced her husband would be the best man for the job, regardless of what happens to her.

And she wants to help make that happen. Obviously she would rather be on the campaign trail. So if that’s what’s going to make her happy, why is everyone judging her decision? Maybe if you were in her situation, you’d want to travel the world. She wants to help elect the next president.

Elizabeth: You know, you really have two choices here. I mean, either you push forward with the things that you were doing yesterday or you start dying. That seems to be your only two choices. If I had given up everything that my life was about – first of all, I’d let cancer win before it needed to… And I’d just basically start dying. I don’t want to do that. I want to live. And I want to do the work that I want next year to look like last year and… and the year after that and the year after that. And the only way to do that is to say I’m going to keep on with my life.

They both know this is bad. Her cancer is back, it’s Stage 4, it’s incurable, if somewhat treatable. Some people will continue to question their decision to go on with the presidential campaign while knowing nothing about their marriage, their family and their partnership. And it’s not like this is just some cubicle job that a spouse is not willing to give up. This is very, very different.

John Edwards: This is not work. Work is what I did as a lawyer. This is service. This is… this is a country that I love – both of us love, as much as we love our lives.

In the end, what would you want your legacy to be? What example would you want to leave for your children? How would you want people to remember you?

Elizabeth Edwards is not dead. She’s not even dying. Wouldn’t it be tragic to get to the end of your life and have regrets? I don’t think that will happen to Elizabeth, no matter how the campaign turns out.

Should Texas pay $500 as an incentive for women to give their babies up for adoption instead of going through with an abortion? The bill is sponsored by (shocker) Sen. Dan Patrick. Opponents say this borders on baby selling. I say it borders on Crazytown.

In my humble opinion, the mainstream media has been doing an incredible job investigating the TYC scandals. Per today’s Statesman article:

An aide to the governor received detailed investigative reports alleging a sex scandal at a West Texas youth lockup days before the November election, documents show, but Gov. Rick Perry has said he learned only last month, from news reports, about the abuse at the Texas Youth Commission facility.

Interviews and documents confirm that one of Perry’s aides, Alfonso Royal, was forwarded graphic investigative reports about sexual abuse at the West Texas State School from Texas Ranger Sgt. Brian Burzynski on Oct. 30 or 31, 2006. The documents also indicate that Royal knew in October, just days before Perry was re-elected, about a West Texas district attorney’s lack of action in the case.

I can’t write about this stuff today without feeling physically ill. But you should check out Grits for Breakfast for its continuing coverage.

I’m semi-serious here. Iranian forces have seized 15 British Royal Navy personnel who were searching an Iranian merchant ship on Friday. On Iraqi waters. Iran had engaged in a lively round of naval war games the day before.

The UN is expected to approve a resolution imposing new sanctions against Iran. Somehow I don’t think this will be good enough for President Bush and his merry band of warmongers. Unfortunately, Iranian officials couldn’t be reached for comment on the incident since their embassy in London was ON HOLIDAY. Seriously? “Oh, well we wouldn’t want to ruin their VACATION.”

Recently, Men’s Health magazine listed Arlington, Texas as one of the best cities to meet men. I think they forgot to add “if you have completely run out of options.” Naturally, the fine people of Arlington couldn’t wait to capitalize on this title. They added a page to their city website called “Arlington Vacation Packages.” I’m not even kidding.

That’s right, all you desperate single ladies! The man of your dreams could be waiting for you in Arlington, TX! All you have to do is call 866-656-FUNN. I’m not even kidding. The packages even come with tips:

Find just the right outfit for going out at Lincoln Square, The Parks at Arlington or Arlington Highlands, then decide on the best outing for man-watching.

• Hurricane Harbor – Men in swimsuits. Need we say more?
• The Texas Rangers – The crack of the bat, the roar of the crowd and the testosterone in the air…
• YMCA – No not the Village People song. We mean actually working out with others while you watch cute guys working out.
• The Parks at Arlington — You want to be stunning when you go out looking for love!
• Cowboys Dancehall — There’s only one way to dance western in Arlington, and that’s boot-scootin’ with all those cowboys in tight jeans.

I here there are also impressive packages in Alaska. Although most of the men are toothless and smell like fish, they might just break even with Arlington.

The Texas House Wednesday passed a proposed constitutional amendment that would, at its core, turn Governor Perry into a eunuch. The amendment would allow for a five-day automatic special session (please God no) to override gubernatorial vetoes. FIVE days? They can’t even get anything done in five months. Now the proposed amendment will go to the Senate where, if approved, voters would have the final say in November.

This was such an underhanded move by the Lege. At the time, Perry was in the Middle East singlehandedly brokering a peace agreement between Israel and Palestine. When asked for comment upon his return, the Governor dropped trough and said, “Veto THIS.”