Apr 5
By TJ Shroat
Somehow, this story from last week escaped our notice until today. Per ITPT editorial policy, we will blame the oversight on hackers.
Pro-choice and pro-life advocates both have their panties in a bunch (thong and granny, respectively) over a life-sized sculpture of a nekkid Britney Spears, depicted on all fours on a bearskin rug and fixin’ to poop out her kid. The sculpture, titled “Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston,” will be part of a pro-life exhibit at a Brooklyn art gallery starting this month. According to art historians, this is the first piece of right-wing art not to be unwittingly homoerotic (unless you’re a lesbo).
Sean Preston Federline was born (already sporting a pencil-thin jaw line beard) to Spears and cheese-dick Kevin Federline last year. And what could be more celebratory of human life than adding another Federline to the world? I am of the opinion that ‘Federline’ is well on its way to achieving a stand-alone connotation much as ‘Buttafuoco’ did. In a seemingly unrelated story about the stretching of the meaning of ‘art,’ Federline announced that he will release a hip-hop album in August.
Sadly, I can’t do all my grocery shopping at Central Market and Whole Foods, and thus, am forced to know of the existence of these people as I wait to pay for toilet paper, deodorant and toothpaste. Tom’s of Maine just doesn’t cut it.
I plan to fly to New York and bid on the sculpture when the exhibit ends. It will make a fine companion piece to my acrylic on canvas painting of Jessica Simpson getting a pap smear while holding a mounted small-mouth bass and my mixed media sculpture of Christina Aguilera having a noninvasive outpatient procedure to remove a basil cell carcinoma while surrounded by stuffed mallards, canvasbacks and blue-winged teals. I am cultured and classy.
WWTKPoLD? (What Would Thomas Kinkade ‘Painter of Light!’ Do?)
The trackback URL is here.
Redneck heaven. YeeHaw.
The sculptor did a great job making Britney’s face look a lot like UK pseudo-cheerleader Ashley Judd’s. Which begs the question: what was I doing looking at the face anyway?
I thought that was a sculpture of the conception.
I for one am glad the pro-life art movement got someone as wholesome as Britney to be their model. WTF????
I don’t get it. Where does the baby come out?
Only a redneck repub would put sleazebag galore Britney, naked, pregnant, clutching the bear’s head, doggie-style on a bearskin rug to paint the picture for pro-life. I’m just surprised she’s not wearing a Nascar or NRA trucker hat in the sculpture. And where’s her dixie flag tattoo? When you think “hit me baby one more time,” you think classy.
Gloom, despair, and agony on me
Deep dark depression
Excessive misery
If it weren’t for bad luck
I’d have no luck at all
Gloom, despair, and agony on me
Man, is PL cracking the whip over there or something? First Smooch, then JCBT, and now TJ. Glad to hear from you all. I know you are handsomely compensated for your first-rate writing, but really. But shouldn’t PL being shouldering some of the work?
Did anyone SEE Britney when she was pregnant. How could we miss it? She wore belly baring tanks and baby doll dresses which revealed a quilted Britney, not the chiseled biceps and buttocks on that bearhumper.
http://www.rightoftexas.blogspot.com
It belongs on the Vegas strip.
“…a crowning achievement…”
I think we should all chip in, buy it, and give it to Tom DeLay.
http://commonsenseblog.typepad.com
Art imitating life.
What did the bear do to deserve this?
http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-kinkade9mar09,0,5605083.story?coll=la-home-business
WWTKPoLD?
Probably piss on Winnie the Pooh. Click my name for the LA Times article with all the golden gossip.
I’ve been working on a comment combining bear rugs with Winnie the Pooh and baring all, but I’m just too appalled to complete it. I’d rather work than think about this. How pathetic.
Do not taint Winnie the Pooh with this drivel. I will never stop loving that bear.
You said ‘taint.’
Well I, for one, am proud to see the far right embracing the doggie style.
/ it’s about time
As an avid reader of People Magazine, I happen to know that Britney was rushed to the hospital for a c-section the minute she went into labor because she’s “scared of pain.” So really the sculpture should depict Britney flat on her back with her uterus flipped up onto her stomach. Sexy.
per #20, Thank God…I had nightmares imagining the backside at 10cm dilation.
Tell me she’s not hot.
http://www.thesuperficial.com/images/2006/04/britney-spears-hair-pig.jpg