Can the Speaker and the Lt. Governor of Texas be friends, or does the sex thing always get in the way?

At a diner. Midland, TX.

Craddick: Obviously, you haven’t passed great legislation yet…
Dewhurst: It just so happens that I have passed plenty of good legislation…
Craddick: With whom did you have this great legislation?
Dewhurst: (embarrassed) I’m not going to tell you that!
Craddick: Fine. Don’t tell me.
Dewhurst: Florence Shapiro.
Craddick: Flo. Florence? No, no. You did not have great legislation with Shapiro.
Dewhurst: I did too.
Craddick: No, you didn’t. A Shapiro can do your school finance taxes. If you need local control, Shapiro’s your gal, but humpin’ and pumpin’ and passin’ big bills is not Shapiro’s strong suit. It’s the name. ‘Do it to me, Shappy.’ ‘You’re an animal, Shappy.’ ‘Ride me, big Shappy.’ It doesn’t work.

Eddie V’s, Austin.

Dewhurst: You just get to a certain point when you get tired of the whole thing.
Craddick: What whole thing?
Dewhurst: The whole life-of-a-single-lieutenant-governor. You meet a lobbyist, you have the safe lunch, you decide you like each other enough to move on to dinner, you go dancing, you do the white man’s overbite, you go back to her place, you have sex, and the minute you’re finished, you know what goes through your mind? How long do I have to lie here and hold her before I can get up and go home? Is 30 seconds enough?
Craddick: That’s what you’re thinking? Is that true?
Dewhurst: Sure. All Lt. Governors think that. How long do you like to be held on sine die? All night, right? See, that’s the problem. Somewhere between 30 seconds and all night is your problem.
Craddick: I don’t have a problem.
Dewhurst: Yeah, you do.

Sine Die.

Craddick: Why can’t we get past this session? I mean, are we gonna carry this thing around forever?
Dewhurst: Forever? It just happened!
Craddick: It happened three weeks ago. You know how a year to a person is like seven years to a dog?
Dewhurst: Yes… Is one of us supposed to be a dog in this scenario?
Craddick: Yes.
Dewhurst: Who is the dog?
Craddick: You are.
Dewhurst: I am? I am the dog?
Craddick: Um-hmm.

A new day.

Craddick: The first time we met, we hated each other.
Dewhurst: No, you didn’t hate me, I hated you. And the second time we met, you
didn’t even remember me.
Craddick: I did too, I remembered you.
The third time we met, we became friends.
Dewhurst: We were friends for a long time.
Craddick: And then we weren’t.
Dewhurst: And then we fell in love.

*Sigh.* If only life were like the movies…